I haven't been getting much sleep lately. I have too many projects right now and despite my long days and sleepless nights, nothing seems to be getting done. My office is damn disaster, thought that really isn't anything new. I have piles of books, papers, notes and other nonsense almost everywhere I look. I need to rummage through it all every day or so to remind myself what's in the piles I'm neglecting. It's frightening.

I'm not sure the coffee even does anything any more. It keeps the headaches away, I guess.

I'm at home most all of the time now. That means I don't need to shower regularly or get too dressed. I can wear the same shit everyday. Not having to socialize every day is nice. I don't really want co-workers and colleagues to talk to on a regular basis. At the same time, I really don't have any reason to leave the house. Ever. That may lead to insanity.

It's times like these when I want to smoke, especially late at night or early in the morning. Sometimes I think I'd probably push a 90-year-old, quadriplegic, epileptic midget down a flight a stairs if made a pack of smokes and a light would materialize in my hands. But, I don't smoke anymore so there's no use complaining about it.

Technorati Tags: education, life, losers, coffee, work

Seriously. How much effort does it take to make your damn pdf an actual form that I can fill out in Acrobat or Preview? I've done it before. It isn't difficult. Why the fuck would you even bother posting a pdf that I have to print out and fill out by hand? Do they hate me? What fucking year is this? Why don't I just telegram my entries?

It's as if someone is trying to punish me for having sloppy, lazy penmanship...repeatedy.

Yes. This is what passes for a post around here.

I have other shit to do right now.

I guess I failed my saving throws versus sad and nostalgia:

MILWAUKEE, Wis. (AP) -- A sad day for fans of role-playing games: The man who co-created Dungeons & Dragons is dead.

Gary Gygax died Tuesday morning at his home in Lake Geneva, Wis. His wife Gail says the 69-year-old had been suffering from health problems for several years. (AP News)

Also: First announcement¹ | Gary Gygax, 1938-2008: Rest in Peace, Dungeon Master

I'll admit it. I was a huge D&D nerd for a long time. My friends and I would play RPGs, mostly D&D, for hours any chance we could get. Nothing could beat a great DIY adventure or campaign one of your friends cooked up. Anything could happen. None of the computer games or online RPGs I've ever played could match the fun of a good D&D session with friends.

Some of our parents thought we were worshipping Satan, of course. I did grow up in the Deep South after all. Some of the guys couldn't keep books at their house because their folks would through them away if they found them. My parents didn't forbid it but they didn't really encourage it.

The only time I ever shoplifted anything was a Dungeon Master's Guide. It was from a bookstore in the mall.

I haven't played since ca 1993 or 1994, I guess. I'm not even sure where my books are. I think one of the people I used to game with still has them. I know my dice are around here somewhere. I don't know anyone that still plays, and I doubt I could make time for it anymore if I did.

I still miss that game.

I've never met Gary Gygax, but he helped make that fun possible.

Sitting around the airport for five hours really sucks.

Outdoor smoking bans are bullshit, that's what.

Read that again in case you missed it. I said outdoor smoking bans.¹

The policy went into effect on this campus with the beginning of the current semester. The fucktards in charge have graciously allowed us a handful of designated outdoor smoking areas, though we can kiss those goodbye in a year. Why? Because in two thousand and fucking ten, there will be no smoking anywhere on UNM's campus.

What the fuck is wrong with people?

Who bans outdoor smoking? What's being accomplished other than letting a bunch of whiny do-gooder types feel better about themselves? Fuck them! And fuck you too to all those idiots pretending to be allergic to smoke. No you're not. You just don't like it. There's a fucking difference between disliking something and being allergic, assholes. Quite pretending. I don't like your goddamn patchouli stink, you filthy hippie fucks. I'm not allergic to it. I just hate it. Get it? Do you see me trying to ban it?²

Oh, and fuck your second hand smoke-induced asthma, too. You know, maybe if you smoked more you wouldn't have such weak, pathetic lungs. I bet pot smoke doesn't hurt your precious lungs.

We need some kind of cap-and-trade program here on campus. I see plenty of idiots driving around their poorly maintained vehicles on campus. I, on the other hand, walk. How about any one that doesn't use fossil fuels to get to campus is allowed to smoke? Makes sense to me. My walking and smoking is probably still way fucking less pollution and carcinogens entering the atmosphere compared to the non-smoking douchebags driving around campus. Oh, and people that take bus get to smoke half the cigarettes that smoking non-drivers do since their pubic ride pollutes, but not as much as car drivers. Sounds like a good plan to me.³

I hope you all get cancer and die.

Holy shit, it's a new fucking year. Do I have to make resolutions? Is that what people do for a new year? They take stock of their stupid lives and try to do things differently based on some vaguely sensed need for self-improvement?

I've been contemplating quitting smoking, until I run out of cigarettes. And then I buy a new pack. I'm not really concerned with the health issues. But goddamnit smoking is a fucking expensive hobby.

I thought about starting running again too. I ran for a little while but quit over a year ago. Unsurprisingly quitting running and starting smoking happened together. Can these really work together? Exercise is boring.

I briefly considered eating healthier meals. Then I realized I would have to cook more often than I do and that seemed sucky. Way sucky. Plus, healthy includes a wide range of foods I consider to be disgusting.

Maybe I should buy fewer comics, or at least spend less on them.

I seriously need to establish a schedule of some kind. The problem is, I'm a late night sort of person. I hate the morning. I hate waking up and having to go somewhere. I hate following a pace and routine set by other people. So, what really needs to happen is the rest of the world just needs to adjust their schedule to mine.

I need to write more, both here on this shitty shitty blog and in real life. Thing about the real life writing is, people are waiting to read that shit. I guess I should get off of my lazy, procrastinating ass. This blog? Not so much. Honestly, you couldn't pay me to read this shit.

Let's see. What else is there? Oh. If I cut down on my coffee drinking, I'd get more sleep. But fuck that.

Here's a largely irrelevant quote:

the arbitrary border stands
a line of blood through stolen lands
that little flag upon your sleeve
shows off you're stupid and naïve
or maybe you believe the lies
through beady ignoramus eyes
it's no surprise you're outta luck
your mama raised a stupid fuck
oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
we'll all sleep when we're dead

Immigrants & Hypocrites -Star Fucking Hipsters

Happy New Year.

Smoking fucking rules. That's all there is to it. Unfortunately it can kill you and, more importantly, smokes are expensive these days. So, I've decided to quit. Or at least I've decided I need to quit at some point. That point is now.

I didn't smoke most of yesterday, but caved and had a few last night. I didn't buy a new pack. I had an unfinished one I bought earlier. Knowing they're in the house makes them difficult to resist and throwing them away is a waste of money. I only have two left. I might as well smoke them.

I had to run some errands yesterday, which included going to the bank. Half of a day without smoking, driving and dealing with the line of people at the bank is not conducive to smoking cessation. It is, however, conducive to rage. And lots of it. I was chewing gum--regular, not the nicotine variety--as a substitute for cigs. I was chewing so hard at one point, I thought my jaw was going to snap.

Gum substitution does not work well with coffee. The tastes clash horribly. Cigarettes, on the other hand, compliment black coffee extremely well. And, I drink a lot of coffee.

I'm totally fucked.

It's been one week since I've had a smoke.

I want a fucking cigarette.

Damn. I guess this happened last week, but I was too busy to notice.

Howard Zinn, an author, teacher and political activist whose book “A People’s History of the United States” became a million-selling leftist alternative to mainstream texts, died Wednesday in Santa Monica, Calif. He was 87 and lived in Auburndale, Mass

[From Howard Zinn, dissident historian, dead at 87 | Raw Story]