Zombieland. Why did I go see this fucking movie?

I was bored last night and decided that a seeing a movie might be a decent break from work. So I went to the 10:10 PM showing of Zombieland. I've heard people say it's a good movie. Rotten Tomatoes lists an 88% Fresh rating. Turns out, 88% of movie critics are idiots. Now I'm tired and $10 poorer.

I spent most of the movie bored and waiting for something to happen. How the hell is this a zombie movie when most of the movie is spent with two (or four) idiots driving down the highway with no zombies? It's really easy to avoid being killed by zombies if you're nowhere near them. They should have called the movie Douchebag Road Trip with the Occasional Zombie. By the end, I was on the zombies' side. I didn't want the characters to live. They didn't deserve to live, especially after driving halfway across the country essentially to turn on a neon sign that says "Hey Zombies! Dinner is over here!" I wanted to see zombies ripping into their flesh and ending their pathetic lives. Seriously, nothing good can come from these four losers living another day even if it means the extinction of the species.

Even the supposedly hilarious cameo was a let down. It wasn't funny, or at least it wasn't $10 funny. The predictable ending to the cameo scene was incredibly lame. Who couldn't see that coming? Like an asshole, I sat through the credits waiting for the extra footage I'd heard about. I was told it was funny too. That was another waste of time. Honestly, I have no idea why I waited for it, but I was pissed that I did.

Here's what the whole experience boiled down to: It was as if I was starving to death and someone sold me a $10 shit sandwich while telling me it was great. Then after choking that down because I paid for it after all, I stuck around for a free diarrhea shake.

And now I can't get the taste of shit out of my mouth.