anti-[everything]

So I get these right-wing, Christian emails. They let me know what the right thinks their invisible buddy wants them to do to make the rest of our lives a little more miserable. Mostly they get worked up about what gay people might or might not be doing somewhere. Sometimes I learn something new. Today I learned that it's okay to ask God (or Jesus?) for a three-way with your spouse. In fact, it's proper to ask for one:

Try this marriage prayer for 30 days - see what happens!

For Him:
"Father, I said, 'Til death do us part' - I want to mean it. Help me love You more than her, and her more than anyone or anything else. Help me bring her into You presence today. Make us one, like You are three-in-one. I want to hear her, cherish her, and serve her - So she would love You more and we can bring You glory. Amen."

For Her:
"Father, I said, 'Til death do us part' - I want to mean it. Help me love You more than him, and him more than anyone or anything else. Help me bring him into Your presence today. Make us one, like you are three-in-one. I want to hear him, support him, and serve him - So he would love You more and we can bring You glory. Amen."

The authors challenge couples to try this for 30 straight days and see how it impacts your marriage relationship!

Weird. And by weird I really mean sort of sad and pathetic. Why do you have to beg God so much? Why does he play hard to get?

Even stranger is the notion that you're supposed to beg JC to help you love someone (him) more than your spouse. Is it just me or is God a little needy for an all-powerful sort of guy? And, does that make your relationship with God an affair? Christianity is confusing.

Is it okay to leave your spouse/significant other for God? Remember in Superman Returns when Lois Lane bails on her fiancé because Superman came back? I remember watching that and thinking she was kind of a bitch. But then again, he's Superman. It would be a tough act to follow. How do you compete with Superman? You'd have to find some kryptonite, I guess.

I imagine introducing your significant other to Jesus might end up the same way, especially since he demands you, and everyone else, to love him more than whoever else you might be involved with at the time. That whole eternal damnation racket he has going for him is probably an unfair advantage too. I never thought about it, but I guess he's way needy and holds a grudge for eternity. He can turn water into wine also. I could see how he'd be kinda fun at parties. In sum, like Superman, God/Jesus is some stiff competition. So, if you're going to bring your spouse into the presence of the Lord for some three-in-one time, you might want to bring a hammer and some nails. That'd at least slow him down for three days or so.

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